Girl I Got Bunions: Sandals To Hide Your Foot Knots

It's not enough that I was born breastless, with a long head and an ass that plays peak-a-boo depending on how much weight I've gained or lost. No, I have to go and get bunions too. I forgot to mention that my feet are extremely long. I used to be a strong 8.5, but some odd thing happened between ages 25 and 34 and my feet are now sitting at a size 9. I wish I was out of fucks to give but bruh, bunions on a long foot bruh???

One day, while perusing my trunk full of photos (because I'm nostalgic AF), I came across a fly ass picture of my fine ass self when I was a fresh 28 years old. I thought to myself how much of a shame it was that I didn't even fully appreciate the work God, my mama and my daddy put in when creating me; I'm a habitual horn tooter so there's that. My eyes wondered down that picture and landed on my feet. I saw bunions and the bunions were huge, the left one more prominent than the right. I could live with bunions and long feet before that day and couldn't GAF what anyone thought about them. I knew I had bunions and I was fine with the bunions, but that picture just tore through my body and snatched out a piece of heart. I boxed up all of the thong sandals I owned and poured out a little likka.

I didn't really pour out a little likka, but I damn sure would have if I had some.

Anyway, you know how it is when you notice something that has existed much of your adult life but because you must be bored and need something to complain about, you become obsessed with a non-issue and start researching ways to fix it when you really should just be thanking God that your black ass is alive and healthy? That's what I did, and 4 years later I am still contemplating getting a bunionectomy on my left foot.

It is recommended that you don't get a bunionectomy unless absolutely necessary. My reasons are more for aesthetics, but I do sometimes have a throbbing pain in that left bunion from time to time. I could be walking, sitting or sleeping, it doesn't matter. It's never enough for me to actually pay a doctor to maybe fuck my feet up for life though, so chances are this will never happen.

Anywho, Spring is quickly approaching and I need sandals that won't mess with my foot-esteem. So I went window browsing the other day and saw some really cute sandals that I'm thinking about purchasing in the very near future. They're not all "sexy" or anything, but I'm 36 years old with two children, I prefer cute and comfortable shoes.

Jeffrey Campbell Faye Heel


Patti Low Heel Mule


Sol Sana Nina Wrap Slide


Asos Taste Lace Up Wedge Sandals


Rocksy Spot Velvet Sandals


Slingback Leather Ankle Boots